Long before anyone falls in love, the foundation is laid for how they will behave in relationships. Much of this happens at home, during the years when a child is learning what safety and care mean. A new study from the University of Georgia suggests that these early years can have a significant impact on adult life. The study results were published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

The study found that traumatic childhood events can shape how people relate to their romantic partners decades later. The connection is not always obvious or easy to spot. It tends to show up through mood and habits, in ways that couples rarely connect to their own childhoods.

Adverse childhood experiences cover a wide range of events. Abuse, neglect, parental divorce, and the death of a parent all matter. These experiences increase the likelihood of developing depression and anxiety in adulthood.

According to the researchers, this emotional burden is often carried into romantic relationships as well, making them less stable and less satisfying.

“Investing in a relationship through everyday actions is like putting money into a bank account,” said the study’s lead author, Analise Arroyo. “These little things we do every day strengthen trust, understanding, and support over time. When we don’t have those reserves, it’s like not having enough money when your car breaks down. You end up stranded. If we don’t put effort into our relationships and then face stress, conflict, or other hardships, we may not have what we need to get through that moment.”

There is also an encouraging side to this. Improving communication skills developed together as a couple can soften some of the negative effects, Planet Today reports.

The team used responses from more than 200 adult couples participating in the University of Georgia’s ELEVATE program. This is a free relationship skills training program run by the University of Georgia Extension.

Both partners answered questions about difficult moments from their childhoods, up to the age of 18. They noted how many traumatic events they had experienced. Studying both partners in each couple was important. This allowed researchers to see how one partner’s history affected the other.

People who reported more adverse incidents were more likely to carry their effects into adulthood. If a parent constantly yelled at or pushed the children, or if they had to go hungry for long periods, this showed up years later as loneliness, depression, and anxiety. The damage builds up slowly. It rarely makes itself known, which is exactly why it is so easy to miss.

“Childhood hardships leave a kind of imprint that often goes unnoticed in everyday life. Over time, this chronic stress can affect not only our own well-being but also the health of our relationships,” Arroyo said.

These same people also had trouble carrying out ordinary partner responsibilities. Everyday conversations were difficult for them. Showing affection and resolving conflicts also became harder.

“When couples have relationship problems, it’s easy to focus only on what is happening in the moment, such as how they communicate, resolve disagreements, or interact with each other,” said study co-author Evin Richardson. “However, our research shows that for many people, these problems may have deeper roots. Understanding these connections can help couples and professionals address the underlying issues rather than just the symptoms affecting relationship well-being.”

When healthy habits disappear, relationship quality tends to decline. Couples who could not communicate well or did not feel supported reported being less happy together overall.

The solution does not lie in grand gestures. It lies in small, repeated moments that build up over time.

“It’s not only the important conversations, major conflicts, or heartfelt talks that matter. It is the small, everyday interactions that prepare us for the more serious and difficult moments when they arise,” Arroyo said. “Do we notice our partner when they walk through the door or start speaking? Do we respond to what they say or ignore them?”

The effects turned out to be different for different women. Women who reported more negative experiences were more likely to face mental health problems that then affected their relationships. For these women, the strain showed up twice. They reported lower relationship satisfaction, and their partners said the same.

Men followed a different path. When men linked depression or anxiety to trauma experienced in childhood, it affected only their own perception of the relationship, not their female partner’s perception.

“We cannot change our childhood experiences,” Arroyo said. “But we can understand how they continue to affect us. That awareness gives couples the opportunity to support each other and build healthier relationship patterns together.”

This awareness is usually where change begins. It shifts the focus away from blame in the moment and toward the root causes of the problem.

According to the researchers, couples can practice these everyday behavior patterns through family therapy or relationship education programs. This generally improves relationship quality overall. The benefit is mutual. Strong relationships help each partner cope with old wounds and heal them.

“Couples absolutely can strengthen their relationships by learning and practicing healthy relationship skills, especially when both partners are committed to growth,” Richardson said.

People who have experienced severe trauma or prolonged stress may benefit from psychological counseling or psychotherapy. This can help them understand how their past affects their relationships and learn healthier ways of interacting with others.